It snowed on our daffodils.
They survived.

The sun came out today and we lay in the grass in shorts and t-shirts, talking about good things to come.

Good things
To come.

The Other Side of Spring Break

There are more books that I need to read in my room and scattered throughout the house, but I was feeling too lazy to go and collect them all, even if it would have made a more impressive picture.

Good thing the weather is turning, I need to spend some time inside.

Spring Break

For the past few days I have had this song floating in and out of my head

I looked out the window and what did I see?
Popcorn popping on the apricot tree.
Spring has brought me such a nice surprise,
Blossoms popping right before my eyes!

It is a song from my Primary days at church. I am not sure if it is a Mormon specific song, but it always brings back memories of sing-alongs and animal crackers, and of later hiding in the bathroom so we didn't have to go to class. Who could blame us?

Today has been beautiful. I woke up and could smell blueberry muffins baking downstairs. I can't think of anything that smells better than muffins on a Sunday morning. Cathleen packed up and left on her trip, and I spent the morning on the back porch with a laptop, researching prices on motorcycle pants and later looking for a tattoo artist whose work I like. I found a couple of guys in Boulder who look like they've done some amazing things, so in the next couple of months I might be giving them a call. Last night I took a permanent marker and drew an outline of the tattoo I want on a couple of different places on my body. I think now I know where I want it and I like looking down and seeing it there. I was kicking around the idea of getting it done on my birthday, but I'll be in Texas then so I guess I will have to get it done a little bit earlier.

After a nap and a shower, I took my motorcycle out and rode up to Carter Lake. There were more bicycles out today than I remember seeing in a long time, and the cars were swerving all over the road to avoid the herds. This made passing a problem, but I thought 'what the heck, you're not on a sport bike, yet' so I just sat back in third gear and contemplated very important things like the sky-blue sky, the grass-green grass, the purple, snow-capped mountain majesties, and my path of travel through the gravelly turns. I did get a couple of spots of open road, where I decided to pretend like I was on a sport-bike, so I leaned forward and rolled-on the throttle. I made it up over 90 for some stretches, which on my bike is about as high as you can go.

Other activities today have included laying in the grass and reading about High John the Conker , getting caught in the cross-fire of a neighborhood water-gun fight, and going for a walk with Caitlin around the park. Later I will make some scampi and chicken for us all to eat out on patio.

I like this. I like spring and I like spring break. I like that my life is so easy and sweet and under control. I wish it could stay like this for a goodlong time, but soon a change is coming. In just over four weeks I will have a "diploma" and a few weeks after that I will have a "job" far away from all these happy things and people. I know I deal well with change and they do too, but I don't like having to think about dealing with it just yet.

I wish I could stretch this spring out and make it last.

Some things in this house, I just can't relate to

No one has ever been in love with me and so I guess it follows that I have never had my heart broken. No one else can break what you don't give away. But, I don't know what to say to those who have given it away and have had it shred apart and given back.



I was wondering today how long it takes of someone constantly disappointing you before disappointment turns into expectation. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. If you're expecting it, it doesn't hurt so much.

I am wondering tonight how long it takes of not being loved before I begin to expect that I will never be loved. Does it hurt less if it doesn't come? Still hurts now, but maybe I am still hoping.

And suddenly you're in love with everything...

Dollars spent on concert tickets: 18
Number of minutes we stood outside watching the band watch us: 30
Number of times I shook bdb's hand: 1
Dollars spent on red bulls and rock stars so that I could stay up all night and study after the show: 9.15
Number of times I thought 'this is amazing:' many
Number of times I though 'I should be studying right now:' 0
Hours of sleep I got: 2
Experience of watching one of the happiest shows I have seen: priceless (and better for my soul than 8 hours of sleep)

Dr. Dolittle, I presume

I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo and Unicorn. I had a classical education.

After polishing their sprinkles, and training all the spring animals in team work, balance, and photogenics, we were exhausted and were left with no other choice but to eat them.

C'est la vie, circus animals, c'est la vie.

Why I have the best explorer monkey friend in the whole world

It's harder than you might think

"What can be made of atheists, then? If the evolutionary view of religion is true, they have to work hard at being atheists, to resist slipping into intrinsic habits of mind that make it easier to believe than not to believe."

Conversation with myself:
You're still left with that endemic need (that endemic hole) to believe in something. But, confined by logic and rationality, is it possible to fill that? If you can't fill it with god, can you fill it with love? no. beauty? even that is stretching it. Do you limp along with that huge hole in your side, constantly searching while constantly being disappointed? If you're not imaginative enough to fill it yourself, can you relish in the imagination of others? Is it enough to know that other people have something to believe in, even if you yourself do not? No.

Conversation with Zooey:
Yes, Zooey, you were right. Science seems to agree with you. But, tell me, what is my religion?


Silence.

Hmm...

To think, to think, to thinking I must go.

I haven't quite forgotten how it feels.

I want to feel it again.

Beauty

a quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (such as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (such as personality). Said another way, "beauty" is a quality of a person, object, place, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, affirmation, meaning, or goodness. The subjective experience of "beauty" often involves the interpretation of some entity as being in balance and harmony with nature. This leads to powerful feelings of attraction and emotional well-being. In its most profound sense, beauty may engender a salient experience of positive reflection about the meaning of one's own existence. An "object of beauty" is anything that reveals or resonates with personal meaning.