Saturday, June 27, 2009
Deja New
I am sitting in one of my favorite places in the world. There's nothing but blue skies, red barns, and flowering trees outside the window, and my best friend is recovering upstairs. I am reminded once again of how much we've helped each other through these past few years. It hasn't always been easy for either one of us, but I think right now we're both in a spot where it could be really good for a long time. I don't want to jinx us, but I am hopeful for the future.
When I was in Texas, the thought of my return to Colorado was really what pulled me through a lot, especially toward the end. I imagined that my move here would be the impetus for my new, perfectly happy and fulfilled life. But in the back of my mind, I knew it could never actually be all THAT good. After all, I have left this place several times before, always seeking something better. And I was right in one way, but wrong in another. It hasn't been as good as I imagined, but it has been a whole lot better. In some ways Colorado has been everything that I remembered and hoped that it would be again, and in some ways it has been something completely new and unimagined.
The hills have been greener, the weather has been cooler, friends have been closer, love has been deeper, sweeter and sooner than I could have ever predicted or hoped for myself. Or maybe I am just finally in a place in my life where I can really appreciate all of those things. Maybe it just took two years of almost daily misery to realize what I'm looking for, and to be comfortable with myself no matter what the circumstance. It took a long time to learn how to let someone love me, and how to love that person in return. To learn how to be my own self, and still support the people around me. Now that I've got all that figured out, it seems like the whole world is rising up to support me.
As I've been writing this, here is what I've realized: when I moved to Texas I lost nearly everything I had before; friends, family, culture, music, respect, and beauty. But, in losing everything, I found myself. And what a beautiful place the world is when you know that much.
Now if only I could find a job.
When I was in Texas, the thought of my return to Colorado was really what pulled me through a lot, especially toward the end. I imagined that my move here would be the impetus for my new, perfectly happy and fulfilled life. But in the back of my mind, I knew it could never actually be all THAT good. After all, I have left this place several times before, always seeking something better. And I was right in one way, but wrong in another. It hasn't been as good as I imagined, but it has been a whole lot better. In some ways Colorado has been everything that I remembered and hoped that it would be again, and in some ways it has been something completely new and unimagined.
The hills have been greener, the weather has been cooler, friends have been closer, love has been deeper, sweeter and sooner than I could have ever predicted or hoped for myself. Or maybe I am just finally in a place in my life where I can really appreciate all of those things. Maybe it just took two years of almost daily misery to realize what I'm looking for, and to be comfortable with myself no matter what the circumstance. It took a long time to learn how to let someone love me, and how to love that person in return. To learn how to be my own self, and still support the people around me. Now that I've got all that figured out, it seems like the whole world is rising up to support me.
As I've been writing this, here is what I've realized: when I moved to Texas I lost nearly everything I had before; friends, family, culture, music, respect, and beauty. But, in losing everything, I found myself. And what a beautiful place the world is when you know that much.
Now if only I could find a job.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
Monday, June 01, 2009
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