Vacation

I was so lucky to be able to take a trip last weekend where I got to do all the things I love to do, with the company I love to do things with, and be the person I love to be. It all felt so good that even though I was fighting a cold and an infection, I just couldn't stop. I smiled, climbed, danced, and sang until I collapsed and couldn't stop my shaking body from feeling overwhelmed by the full force of joyous exhaustion.

Now I am back and I just can't go. Eight and a half months seems like a long time away, and right now I don't feel like I have the mental or physical strength to get through it. I don't even feel like I have the strength to start back up again tomorrow. I need something in my life to be easy right now. I know it could always be worse, but could there be just one thing that is a little bit better? I can't dwell on this thought for too long. I know it is a selfish, self-pitying one, but it is the sum of blood, puss, pain, tears, piled up bills, failed lesson plans, failed hope, failed relationships, 12-hour days, and long, lonely nights. If I could take just one of these things and make it go away, I think I could handle the next 8.5 months easily. With all these things to face, I am not quite sure how I'll do it.