How can we both say we want the same thing, and yet completely disagree on how and what we need to do in order to get there? I could do things differently, sure. Did I go too quickly? Maybe so. It was silly of me to get so worked up over one stupid little night. That was my fault. I could back off. Could make rules for myself regarding frequency of visitation, etc.
But how long can I go without him being in love with me? I can't demand that from him, obviously. Can't make him fake it. But, I need his love. In a strange way, his love is what would motivate me to be able to keep my distance, not to scare him off. Sure, I could go to China. I could go to far away, if I know on the other side of the world is a person who is love with me and wants me to come back, but slowly. If he could send a letter every once in a while with those three words, I could starve myself of all other attention, could just wait until the next time he feels comfortable to be in my arms again. But without those three words? Why bother? Why deprive myself? Why walk on egg shells? In the name of love, I could do anything. But without love? How much can I do in the name of potential love that may come back after some undetermined amount of time in the future?
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Still, I think I could do it. If he'd let me.
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